Hi, I’m Tanya, and I am the UK’s first fully trained Fulfilment Artist. I’ve learnt the skills to help you to live a truly fulfilled life in the quickest and most sustainable way possible. But it has not always been this way.
It took me almost dying twice to realise that I needed to change the way I lived my life. A life that was focused on the needs of others before my own.
I embarked on a two-year journey of self-discovery to find the answers to break free from the cycle of over-giving / doing – that was making me ill again and again.
When I started to look at my life, I realised that something was missing and that something was me!
The turning point for me was a doctor telling me that the only way I would recover and get better was if I learnt how to put my needs first and accept help from others.
I realised I had to change the focus of my life and look after my well-being and be more intentional with how I lived my life.
I finally understood I had to look after myself first, then I could continue to help others
When I looked at what I had been doing to my body, I realised I had been stuck in a cycle of overdoing and giving until I started to burn out and use up all of my body’s resources until I eventually became exhausted. I would then be forced to recover just enough until the cycle would start again.
I was trying to do too much and never made time to recharge and fill myself up again. I was in a state of emergency all the time.
I need to balance my overdoing / giving over time in order to come back to a state of balance.
I now think of my body as moving between two states;
State of Balance and State of Emergency.
These are within two cycles; The Fulfilment Cycle and The Exhaustion Cycle. I have created an image to help you quickly understand these cycles and how it affects your energy and the demand on your body and mind.
Within our body, there is something called the autonomic nervous system. It regulates involuntary processes in your body such as your heart rate, blood pressure, breathing etc. It does its job without you having to do anything.
The autonomic nervous system has two main divisions:
Sympathetic And Parasympathetic Nervous System.
The sympathetic nervous system prepares the body for the “fight or flight” response during any potential danger. In today’s world, this can be anything from stress at work, money worries and even reading bad news. Your body is automatically at high alert, and all non-critical functions are put on the back burner (digesting food, sexual drive, etc.). As your body needs to focus on one thing, and that is keeping you alive and safe.
On the other hand, the parasympathetic nervous system is the “Rest & Digest” response, and this stops the body from overworking and restores the body to a calm state. During this mode, the body gets busy with all the maintenance work it needs to do now it is safe and at rest.
Stress is a hyper-arousal of the flight-or-fight response; this is thought to counteract the Rest & Digest function. What that means is that you are either in one mode or the other.
Think of it like an internal light switch in your body that switches between the two modes:
State of Balance is where your body has activated the rest and digest mode of the body.
State of Emergency is where your body has activated the fight and flight mode in the body.
These modes sit alongside two cycles:
The Fulfilment Cycle represents a fulfilled life where there’s time for work, family, friends, hobbies, exercise, and interests.
We have time to fill our lives with the things that make us happy, and our energy levels are high with the demand on the body and mind being low.
There is lots of time for ourselves, as well as others. If you are forced to switch to the State of Emergency, your body can handle it so long as you make time to Recover & Recharge to fill yourself up again afterwards, so you can come back into the State of Balance quickly.
The Exhaustion Cycle represents life where all the things that allow your body to recharge and come back to balance disappear.
Your life has been stripped bare and down to the basics. Your energy levels are low, and demand on the body and mind is high. There is no time for ‘you.’ If you do stop, it is because you have to, to recover enough to carry on.
You can only be in the State of Emergency for so long before you use up all the body’s physical and mental resources and become exhausted. If you never do anything to bring yourself back to the State of Balance, you stay stuck in the Exhaustion Cycle.
The cycle our body is in can be affected by both physical and mental states. It can also be affected by what is happening in your life.
What cycle are you currently running in your life?
Your body will try to give you feedback and warning signs that something is wrong. If we listen, we can do something to Rest and Recover, to give our body what it needs to return to the State of Balance.
Why is this important for over-givers? Previously, I would be so focused on looking after everyone else’s needs before my own (and you probably do as well). If I was busy, the first thing I would cut out of my life was my gym time, hobbies, sleep, etc. to make sure I could get it all done, all so I wouldn’t let anyone down (which was my worst nightmare!).
I didn’t realise at the time what I needed to do was protect these things. The things that gave my body and mind a chance to Recharge and Recover, so I could come back to the State of Balance.
Instead, I just tried to cram more in and look at ways to optimise my time and energy. I wanted to do more with less. I didn’t know what I didn’t know back then. I was doing my best with what I knew at the time. I ignored the signals, and I paid the price.
Perhaps you can relate to this?
I needed to look for a new way to listen to my body and work out what cycle I was running, and that is when I discovered the power of having a morning and evening routine. It acts as a daily circuit breaker and gives me a chance to bring myself back into balance daily.
It has become more than a routine; it is a daily ritual of me for me!
A ritual enables you to repeat the same action day after day, so eventually, it becomes automatic. It can be a struggle at first as you are taking yourself out of your routine. If you stay consistent, it soon just becomes part of who you are and what you do.
It is a great way to start and end the day with you as the focus – imagine how you will feel!
A daily ritual is a great tool to help you consistently prioritise your well-being and fulfilment and take daily action on your goals.
It’s the things we do today that create who we become tomorrow.
So how do you start to work out what cycle you are regularly running? You can start by working through the following 5 tips;
- To give yourself time to self reflect on what cycle and state you feel you have spent most of your day in?
- It’s even more powerful if you write it down allowing you to identify any patterns over time.
- My day today would look like; Fulfilment Cycle; State of Balance 60% Recovery & 40% Doing. As I have spent most of the day walking and relaxing and the rest writing this blog post!
- How has your energy levels been today?
- Have you been active today? Do you feel like your energy levels are high with extra energy if you needed it?
- Or have you been low on energy and not very active at all?
- Do you feel you have energy reserves or do you feel your running on empty?
- Some time we can get bursts of energy in an emergency but the telltale sign is feeling exhausted once it all calms down.
- How demanding has your day been on your body and mind?
- Has it been non stop with lots of going on with high demand on your mind?
- Or has it been restful with time to rest your body and mind?
- We sometimes forget that our brain needs a lot of energy to do its best work.
- There is a demand on your body and mind even when your sitting still and looking at your phone or computer.
- Have you scheduled time to rest and recover today?
- You charge your phone everyday but do you do the same for yourself?
- What can you do that will help to switch off your mind?
- What can you do to rest your body actively and not just passively?
- My favourite way to rest is scheduling a Nasa Nap using my Pziz app!
- Morning & evening rituals will give you time to do what you need to look after yourself mentally and physically.
- It is a powerful way to take back control of how you start and end your day.
- It is your first step to creating the new habit of putting what you need and want first.
These are only a few suggestions to help you get started.
It is empowering when you start to prioritise your wellbeing and fulfilment every day, it will transform your life!
You can still help others, but you do it more sustainable and impactful way as you have the balance right. I have learnt how to break the cycle of over-giving and doing, through the daily rituals and it has transformed my life as a result.
Learn the 6 Key Building Blocks to optimise your daily routine and how you can create your own daily rituals in my FREE guide.
I look forward to helping you create daily rituals that will put what you need and want first! It’s time to stop over-giving and start living a life with no regrets!
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